Divine Gifts Aren’t Always Wrapped How You Imagined
Finding Answered Prayers Hiding in Plain Sight
I had an “Ohhh. I get it now” moment this morning.
I Asked for Rest, and I Got It... Kinda
God told me months ago He was giving me time to rest. I didn’t know why—just that I’d need my energy for a major change, shift, or decision. And I wanted to welcome that rest with wide, open arms.
I thought it would come in the form of an all-expenses-paid trip or a supportive partner who could help take the weight off my shoulders. Maybe even a financial blessing to keep me afloat without stressing.
But what it ended up looking like: Me discovering my passion, turning it into a business, working from home, and no longer feeling drained by an unaligned job and unfulfilling work. Suddenly, I had so much extra time on my hands—time for me to decide how to use it. And because it didn’t match my original vision of what my gift of “rest” would look like, I assumed it hadn’t come yet. So, I started filling that extra time, finding ways to keep myself busy.
Something about rest hasn’t landed easily for me these past few years. It feels contradictory. I get restless thinking that I should be doing more. I should be using this time to lay a stronger foundation to fall back on, just in case, instead of just... following the flow.
But at the same time, I’ve been craving it. Rest. These past few months, I’ve felt myself teetering on the edge of mental and emotional burnout again, and losing grip fast. I kept asking, Where is it? Where’s the space to breathe? The pause? I was desperate. God, I’ll take anything at this point. Please!!!
But then this morning, I woke up with a strange sense of clarity. It felt like I had just returned from a conversation with Spirit that happened somewhere deep in my dreams. Like they had whispered something I had forgotten. The opportunity to rest has already been given. You just have to choose it.
Why not embrace the gift when God gives it to you? Didn’t you ask for it? Oh, it’s too much now? He thought you said you were burnt out? So why are you still running?
And by divine timing, I came across this divinely guided message from one of my faves, Jhadina:
Like she said in her video, sometimes we’re so eager to get to the next thing—to be there, to arrive in the new reality—that we overlook where we are now. She spoke about the energy of chronic fatigue, and that hit home. Because for those of us in this space, even a full day of rest won’t feel like enough. It takes more than that.
"You’ve been asking for peace and rest, and now that it’s here, you’re questioning it.”
That line landed hard. Because it’s true, I have been questioning it.
I asked for time and energy to pour intentionally into my business and myself. And now that I have those things, I’m panicking.
Because rest, to me, still feels like risk; like falling behind, missing bills, like I’m not doing enough. I told myself I needed another job, a side hustle, a backup plan to fill the quiet. I knew my business would take time to grow. I accepted that. And still, I felt the pressure to overcompensate.
But the truth is, rest is productive. Rest is where healing, clarity, and even success begin. The pressure I was placing on myself wasn’t required; it was just the residue of hustle culture. I didn’t realize I was detoxing from that mentality while still being addicted to the belief that my worth depended on output. But it doesn’t.
Rest is a divine gift, even when it shows up wrapped in boredom, cloudy skies, or the awkward stillness of having nothing urgent to do. Releasing old energy, identities, karmic patterns, and survival habits takes time. Real time. If my body and nervous system have carried all this for nearly 27 years, why would I assume a year of rest would be enough to fully let it go?
I’ve been purging without fully understanding why. I didn’t know how not to pick things back up once I laid them down. But now that I’m aware, I can be more intentional. I can stop blocking my blessings and allow this to be a time of true integration.
So I’m learning to appreciate the small blessings and trust that I’m always given exactly what I need, if I let it flow to me. I realized I’ve been restless not just because life is overwhelming or quiet, but because I’m still holding onto what I’m trying to release. Anxiety, stress, and worry became my comfort zone.
Today, I chose to slow down. I had one client, maybe a video or two to create. Then I let myself enjoy the rainy, cloudy day. I didn’t DoorDash. I didn’t go out and spend money just to feel in control before a bill could take it. I chose to do nothing but enjoy my time and space. And tomorrow, I’ll wake up and see how that made me feel. Because the only thing making me feel like I still need to earn my rest... is me.
And just when I started to feel like I was losing it for wanting to do absolutely nothing, I came across a reading that felt like it was pulled directly from my journal.
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Tower. Ten of Wands.
Like, okay Spirit… chill. I hear you.
Alex says we’re collectively reaching a breaking point today—burnt out, overcommitted, carrying the world on our backs while whispering “No, it’s fine, I got it” through gritted teeth and watery eyes. Sound familiar?
But the Tower isn’t showing up to destroy. It’s showing up to liberate. Free us from our own guilt, perfectionism, and martyrdom. It’s Spirit saying, “Why are you suffering in silence when rest is the help?” The Tower was confirmation that I’m not falling behind, I’m being rerouted. Because maybe I’ve been burdened solely by my own beliefs.
Then came Temperance: a reminder that peace and support are on the way. It might come unexpectedly, but we just have to slow down and embrace it. Like last weekend, I bought a ticket to a day party, thinking I’d try and go solo since I don’t have friends in the area to go out with. Not something I’d ever do, but I wanted to gain some bravery and try. I got dressed up, makeup done, vibes set... I drove 20 minutes to the venue, and when I saw the crowd, I went straight back home. LMAO.
Honestly, I’m just proud of myself for trying. Not everyone will get it, and that’s okay. I had to accept that I’m not the most outgoing person, and I don’t have to be. I just need to exit hermit mode in ways that feel more palatable for me. Small group settings. Workout classes through ClassPass. Silent book clubs. Things I already enjoy in isolation, just done around other people.
There’s power in letting things unfold gently. There’s growth in choosing a softer way. And maybe... in accepting that we don’t have to carry it all alone.
I Also Asked for Soft Love... and Yeah, That Showed Up Too
This part’s a little more tender. Bear with me.
Another thing I’ve been praying for and manifesting is a certain kind of soft love. One that’s supportive, consistent, reliable, and present. Someone who sees all the nuances in how I behave and express myself—the parts that get overwhelmed, the moments I shut down—and doesn’t make me feel like a mess because of them.
But over time, I started to think maybe I wouldn’t find that kind of love. Maybe I’m just too complex to understand. Maybe I should settle for tough love or just stay single because it’s what I’m used to, and I can handle things on my own.
Then yesterday, I saw a video of an autistic woman being supported by her partner while she was in a functional freeze state. She was on the phone, trying to book an appointment. She was given too many options, became overwhelmed, and shut down. She couldn’t verbally respond.
It was disheartening to read some of the comments from people who didn’t understand her struggles. Especially because I think it’s the reason the video has since been taken down.
"Something so simple shouldn’t be so complicated, right?" "Why can’t she talk at her big age?" "Just pick a day and time and get over it."
Her husband understood immediately. And that was the whole point of sharing it—to reach people like me. People who genuinely want to learn, who are open to understanding, even just to witness what a relationship looks like when one partner is neurodivergent. It was a vulnerable and educational moment, and I’m truly grateful they shared it, even if others didn’t see it that way.
He stayed nearby, ready to jump in. He read her body language, he knew the signals, and he didn’t try to fix her. He didn’t shame her. He just sat with her, asked if she wanted help, and then took over the call so she could breathe. She stayed nearby to chime in when needed, but he did the rest of the talking and made sure to get all the information she would need for her appointment. And I completely lost it. Ugly cried for a solid ten minutes.
I realized that not only is that exactly what I’m looking for, but I also saw it being received by a woman like me. Someone whose needs aren’t extreme, who appears “normal” and “high functioning” (hence the judgment in the comments), but has a partner who understands that her struggles don’t always look like everyone else’s.
Another beautiful example I found today:
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It reminds me of how I’ve tried to explain to people why phone calls are harder for me, especially while driving. Why I shut down when I’m overstimulated. Why I avoid eye contact and large groups like the plague. Why I disassociate and stare off when I drive, and why driving on its own is also incredibly overwhelming.
I’m not trying to avoid life, and I’m not looking for anyone to live it for me. I just want to be understood, loved, and supported for who I am—even as I process and move through the world differently. To be met with patience and compassion, not pressure to toughen up.
I’m still learning to accept these parts of myself, and honestly, it’s scary. Especially in a world that judges you for struggling with things that seem so “simple” to everyone else. For a long time, I expected myself to handle everything the same way others did, without hesitation. But I don’t. And somewhere along the way, loneliness started to feel like my punishment for not continuing to try and handle things like everyone else.
I paused while writing at this point to do a guided meditation on the flow of love by Davidji. I was asked to sit in silence with my heart and listen to help me clear the pain and blockages of my heart. And as soon as I did, I gasped and felt tears well up. Because once again, I realized I’ve been denying myself exactly what I asked for: soft love. From me.
When I closed my eyes, this small voice whispered to me:
“You already have that kind of love... or at least, you could. If you gave it to yourself first.”
Ugh. I hate when my higher self checks me like that.
But it wasn’t a “just love yourself first” type of lecture. It’s valid to want love and connection even when your self-love journey is still messy. And she was right. I’ve been asking for softness. For understanding. But I haven’t been soft with myself. I haven’t even really been listening to what my heart actually yearns for and truly needs.
I’ve been trying to logic my way out of emotions. Telling my heart to suck it up. To stop hoping for things that feel too painful to desire. I kept settling for less, then blaming my heart for desiring more. But that’s not very ‘soft love’ of me. That’s not even detachment. That’s denial.
I’m still learning how to stop shrinking my desires—how to show up imperfectly and still be open to love, comfort, and real support. Because first and foremost, my heart deserves compassion from me. It deserves to feel worthy of softness, exactly as it is.
The Bigger Picture
So yeah…divine gifts don’t always show up the way you imagined. Sometimes it’s your own expectations that block the blessing. You’re so busy looking for what it should look like, you miss the fact that you’re already living an answered prayer.
I thought rest would look like a vacation. I thought love would show up in someone else’s arms. But both of those things came to me through me. Through my own willingness to listen to my body. To stop forcing myself to be “on” all the time. To hold my own heart when it starts to crack open and say, “I need more than this.”
I don’t think I’m unproductive. I think I’m healing. I don’t think I’m unlovable. I think I’m learning how to love myself in a way that doesn’t require me to suffer first.
And that’s a gift. Even if it didn’t come with a bow.💛
Thank you so much for reading The Divine Vitality!
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Thank you for being here💛
Probably my favorite of all you've written.
Wonderful! 💛💛💛💛