Happy Sacred Sunday!✨🕊️

This week's post was inspired by a recent conversation I had with my sister, who has witnessed my struggles with my mental health over the past eight years. Our once-close relationship, despite an eight-year age gap, has been negatively impacted as my mental health challenges have taken center stage in my life. I've had to prioritize understanding my internal world, often at the expense of my external life.

During our conversation, my sister expressed how difficult it has been for her to communicate with me and offer support through my mental health journey. It struck me that I often feel just as lost when it comes to identifying and articulating my own needs. This realization led me on a path of research and deep reflection, not only to better understand my needs as a neurodivergent person but also to explore how the neurotypical world can better support individuals like me.

We live in a society that wasn’t designed with neurodivergent individuals in mind, yet there’s an expectation for us to conform to its norms. While we may not be able to change ourselves or the world overnight, we can begin by fostering connections and supporting each other through these challenging times. Everyone has different strengths, interests, needs, and challenges. Learning to recognize and honor them is the first step toward building positive relationships and effective communication.

I hope these tips help raise awareness of the neurodivergent experience, foster deeper understanding and compassion, and provide the tools necessary to bridge the neuro gap.

What is Neurodivergency?

Defining "normal" became essential in the medical field as neurological differences can impact our daily routines, social interactions, and health.

In 1998, Australian sociologist Judy Singer introduced the term "neurodiversity" to describe the unique ways all brains develop. "Neurodivergent" refers to those who process information differently—a more compassionate distinction between "normal" and "abnormal." These differences affect social preferences, communication, learning, and interests.

Being neurodivergent doesn’t mean you’re defective or broken, nor does it always indicate a disability. However, the concept of neurodiversity has empowered many to better navigate and manage their lives in a society they don’t necessarily feel like they fit into.

Some of the most common examples of neurodivergency:
Dyselxia (difficulty with reading)
Dysgraphia (difficulty with writing)
Dyscalculia (difficulty with math)
Dyspraxia (difficulty with coordination)
Social Anxiety
Tourette syndrome
Down syndrome
Williams syndrome
Autism
ADHD
Mental health conditions such as bipolar disorder, OCD, etc.
Sensory processing disorders
Synesthesia
And many more!!!

If you’re wondering whether you or someone you know might be neurodivergent, the best first step is to consult your healthcare provider. They can refer you to specialists who can determine if you have a disorder, condition, or other neurological difference that may be impacting your daily life or mental processing.

What Struggles Does the Neurodivergent Community Face?

This world is largely designed with neurotypical people in mind, making everyday tasks more challenging for neurodivergent individuals who might need to expend extra effort just to manage the same activities.

Understanding and accommodating the unique struggles that neurodivergent people face daily is crucial in creating a more inclusive and supportive environment, and it is one of the most significant challenges in bridging the gap between neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals. These challenges vary widely depending on the specific condition and often go unnoticed or misunderstood, yet they can profoundly affect how neurodivergent individuals navigate their world.

Sustaining Conversation and Small Talk
For many neurodivergent people, sustaining a conversation, particularly small talk, can be draining and difficult. What might seem like a casual, easy exchange to a neurotypical person can feel overwhelming to someone who processes information differently. The flow of conversation, the social cues, and the pressure to respond quickly and accurately can create anxiety, leading to avoidance or disengagement.
1. Nonverbal Communication
  Nonverbal communication—such as facial expressions, body language, and eye contact—can also pose significant challenges. Neurodivergent individuals might struggle to interpret these cues or may not use them in expected ways. This can lead to misunderstandings and make social interactions more complex. This is why people who are neurodivergent often excel at communicating in online spaces. Experts often compare computers and other digital devices to prosthetics for those with difficulties in social communication.
Sensory Challenges and Overstimulation
Sensory processing differences are another common struggle. Many neurodivergent people experience heightened sensitivity to sounds, lights, textures, or even smells. What might be mildly irritating background noise to one person could be unbearably loud and distracting to someone with sensory sensitivities. Overstimulation can lead to discomfort, anxiety, or even physical pain, making it difficult to focus or remain calm.
1. When overstimulated an autistic person may use different self-soothing strategies including leaving the room or area to avoid a meltdown or shutdown. Or they may just have a difficult time focusing and doing their best.
Executive Functioning Difficulties
Executive functioning, which includes skills like planning, organizing, and managing time, can be particularly challenging for neurodivergent individuals. Tasks that require multiple steps or involve switching between activities may feel overwhelming, leading to procrastination or difficulty completing tasks. This can affect daily responsibilities, work performance, and even self-esteem.
Social Expectations and Pressure
There is often an expectation for neurodivergent individuals to conform to neurotypical social norms, which can be exhausting. The constant pressure to "fit in" or behave in ways that feel unnatural can lead to burnout, anxiety, and a sense of isolation.

By recognizing these common struggles, neurotypical individuals can develop greater empathy and patience, which are key to bridging the gap between our different methods of experiencing the world. This understanding can lead to better communication, stronger relationships, and a more inclusive society where everyone can thrive.

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How Can I Support Someone Who Is Neurodivergent?

Two autistic friends sitting outside using stim toys and laughing at their phones

It can be difficult to know how to best support and interact with a neurodivergent person. Whether they’re autistic, have ADHD, a learning disability, or another condition related to neurodivergence, it’s important to approach their needs with patience, understanding, and a willingness to learn.

Educate yourself. There are many misconceptions and stereotypes surrounding neurodivergent individuals and their experiences. By learning about their specific struggles, you will gain a better understanding of how you can support them as every condition, disability, syndrome, etc. can appear differently.
Listen. People who are neurodivergent may feel misunderstood or left out. It can be difficult to correctly express the way they feel, especially when they already fear judgment. Be willing to listen to understand sometimes, not to respond. Let them know you hear them and respect them and their choices.
Respect their boundaries. Since neurodivergent folks may have different social preferences, communicate differently, or take in their environment differently than you, it’s important to understand their boundaries and respect them. Check what they’re comfortable with, and do your best to meet their needs according to their boundaries.
Learn about their favorite interests, games, or hobbies and interact with them together. This can help those who are struggling with loneliness or social anxiety to feel more comfortable, included, and accepted.
Communicate in ways that help them. Direct and clear communication can be very helpful for talking to neurodiverse individuals, but sometimes they prefer written communication such as instant messaging, texting, or emails over a phone call or face-to-face conversation. Give them the time and tools they need to communicate comfortably and make the purpose or reason for communication clear as it can help neurodivergent people to prepare and set proper expectations.
Learn their routines and schedules and help them stick to it. For example, people with ADHD may struggle with time management and staying on task, they could benefit from an accountability partner or checklists and written routines to refer back to if they find themselves distracted or off schedule.
Avoid value-based labels. Experts recommend against using the terms “high-functioning” and “low-functioning” to describe conditions like autism, depression, and anxiety. They often assume a person’s level of function based on how much they behave like someone who’s neurotypical and it can negate the experiences and struggles they do silently face. People don’t always look like what they’re going through, this is why the “silent disabilities” and those who are deemed high functioning are chronically dismissed and overlooked.
Provide specific praise such as “I liked the way you waited for me before leaving the room” instead of a vague “good job” so they understand what behavior you are seeking from them.
Accept and love them for who they are. Humans in general want to feel understood and supported, but the neurodiverse community is often faced with an overwhelming amount of misplaced judgment and the pressure to conform instead of the grace and acceptance they desire. Some of their quirks cannot be changed and that can be challenging when you’re always standing out, so teach your neurodivergent loved ones to accept themselves as they are by setting the example by doing so first. Otherwise, their self-esteem and confidence could be deeply affected.
Treat everyone with respect. You can provide people with accommodations in a way that honors their human dignity. Try to be understanding and compassionate of neurodivergent people so you can avoid passing judgment. Remember: you don’t know what it’s like to be in their shoes or to think or feel the way they do, whether they communicate their experience or not. Avoid making unkind generalizations and assumptions.
Help them find a neurodiversity-affirming therapist. It’s crucial to ensure a neurodivergent person has a therapist who’s right for them. The best options for neurodivergent people are neurodiversity-affirming therapy or neurodivergence-informed therapy as the professionals have specialized training working with neurodivergent individuals.

I wanted to end this post by sharing a couple of podcasts that have helped me understand my neurodiverse brain and experiences better:

The Neurodivergent Woman with clinical psychologist Monique Mitchelson and clinical neuropsychologist Michelle Livock: To educate and inspire… you guessed it… neurodivergent women on all topics covering Autism, ADHD, and everything in between.

Dr. Megan Neff and Patrick Casale are two neurodivergent therapists discussing their personal experiences as Autistic-ADHDers and entrepreneurs and providing clinical guidance and support in their podcast Divergent Conversations.

Join Emily, an ex-journalist and neurodivergent woman as she navigates her personal life experiences in her 30s with a new ADHD and Autism diagnosis through her podcast My Brain Is A Wonderland.

The Autistic Photographer, Jordan James and Simon Scott host The Neurodivergent Experience, a podcast aimed at challenging the misconceptions surrounding the diverse experiences of neurodivergents.

Remember, small gestures of understanding and patience can make a profound difference. As we work together to build connections and create inclusive spaces, we pave the way for deeper relationships and a more compassionate world. Let us commit to listening, learning, and growing together, embracing the beauty in our differences and the strength in our unity.

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Sources: Cleveland Clinic, Milestones Autism Resources, Charlie Health

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