We live in a society where labels hold immense significance, and it feels like I've spent my entire life seeking their certainty…
Am I a good friend? sister? daughter? student? worker? Am I straight, bi, or queer? Am I single or am I a girlfriend? Am I depressed or just sad?
Labels sometimes hold a bad reputation because people don’t want to feel boxed in. However, I find ease in the structure, direction, and boundaries that labels can provide.
For the past eight years, I've dedicated much of my time to understanding the labels tied to my mental health. Between persistently advocating for myself and overanalyzing all my quirks, I was on the brink of becoming someone who finds a new self-diagnosis through Google every day.
It's been a delicate balance, and as my mental health has gradually improved, I've started to question the true significance of these diagnoses and labels. What do they really provide us?
When I was first hospitalized in 2017, I exhibited signs of depression, anxiety, and psychosis. However, since different mental disorders can share the same symptoms and there are over 200 types, receiving the correct diagnosis was challenging.
Psychiatrists typically use a process of elimination. After conducting physical exams and lab tests, and assessing a patient's history, habits, and symptoms, doctors determine which diagnosis aligns best with the collected information. If you exhibit signs of multiple disorders, you might receive multiple diagnoses simultaneously.
Though I experienced a few mild manic episodes, I mainly struggled with severe depression and eventually I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 disorder.
Source: Psychology Today, Cleveland Clinic
I approached this with an open mind because there’s nothing wrong with having a mental health disorder, but I was scared, confused, and frustrated by what was happening to me. No one prepares you for these experiences and I just wanted to know how to improve my situation.
This initial diagnosis led me to explore a wide range of medications, including Latuda, Abilify, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Hydroxyzine, Lexapro, and more. I also began attending therapy and exploring other helpful coping skills and habits.
Over time, I realized that my mood swings were often related to my cycle and weren’t severe enough to convince me that the bipolar diagnosis was accurate. Eventually, I stopped experiencing manic episodes altogether, and learned to distinguish my natural personality from my mental disorder. After several discussions, my mother and psychiatrist agreed that my symptoms of depression and anxiety likely stemmed from a different issue altogether.
Obtaining an accurate diagnosis can be helpful in several ways:
About two years ago, my overanalyzing brain guided me to the ADHD community. I discovered that girls and women often exhibit different ADHD symptoms that are easily overlooked due to gender bias. Studies show that boys are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD because their hyperactive behaviors have become the “standard” indicators for psychiatrists, teachers, and parents.
In women, ADHD is often more of the inattentive type, with indicators such as disorganization, struggles with time and money management, feeling overwhelmed, and experiencing anxiety or depression. These symptoms are harder to detect and often go overlooked, leading many women to go undiagnosed and untreated, causing significant challenges later in adulthood.
Before my assessment, I was confident that I had ADHD, and receiving the diagnosis brought immense relief and happiness. Everything started to make sense—not just the issues I faced in adulthood, but also the things I had questioned about myself as a child. Finally, I knew how to accommodate my brain's unique way of working and saw more consistent results in my journey of healing and growth.
But then I started realizing how similar ADHD symptoms are to that of autism…
Source: WebMD
While I'm confident in my ADHD diagnosis, I've recently started to wonder if I might also be on the autism spectrum, as the two conditions often co-occur.
I follow a woman named Demi on TikTok, initially as a fan of the Bachelor🌹 franchise. I came across her videos where she spoke about her late autism diagnosis, which surprised everyone because she didn’t fit the common stereotypes of what an autistic person looks, sounds, or acts like. She explained that Autism Spectrum Disorder encompasses a wide variety of experiences.
Demi's insights helped me stop second-guessing my own doubts and rethink my understanding of autism.
I began researching the common indicators of autism. Some signs I noticed in myself include difficulty with social communication and interaction, repetitive behaviors and interests, making involuntary noises, relying on daily routines, needing certain things to be done in specific ways, and sensitivity to loud noises, smells, and bright lights.
There is a rise of people being diagnosed with autism later in life and I believe it’s the same reasons at play:
ASD is often misdiagnosed as ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder.
It looks different in women compared to men. Women often “mask” or “camoflauge” more than men and the communication differences are viewed as more socially acceptable.
Source: Autistica, Medical News Today
Getting diagnosed as an adult may be challenging and can cost thousands of dollars, which leads me to ask myself for the first time, "Do I really need this diagnosis?"
I've taken a few pre-diagnostic tests and self-assessments, all of which suggest that I likely am on the spectrum, but what will a formal diagnosis do for me now? I'm not well-versed in managing autism specifically, but I've gained enough knowledge and control over my specific symptoms that I'm not as anxious to pursue this diagnosis as I was with ADHD.
I know that labels aren't everything, and adding another one to the list won't solve all my problems. Despite knowing how "different" I am, I can finally say I no longer struggle with it like I once did. In fact I embrace it. What's most important to me now is to continue to heal and grow so that I'm even more confident in myself and my abilities.
That may not look like chasing a diagnosis anymore, but what do you think? How much do labels matter to you?
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