Sacred Sunday: The Divine Masculine and Feminine✨
Sacred Sunday: The Divine Masculine and Feminine✨
Distinguishing Gender Identities from Divine Energies and Mastering the Balance of Both
It's an incredible sight: men learning to own and share their emotions, women realizing that femininity is not a weakness, and the steady collapse of societal expectations surrounding gender identities and roles!
We are beginning to separate social constructs from our innate divine qualities, and I believe it’s the first step to experiencing a more healed and harmonious society.
Men and women might have differences, but that doesn’t mean we have to ignore our similarities or condemn each other’s traits. We are all in need of both the masculine and feminine, emotions and logic, strength and softness.
The paradigm of the past praised masculinity and disapproved of feminine qualities. Thankfully, we are now recognizing the value of balancing both traits, leading to greater success and fulfillment.
While it’s common to associate men with masculine energy and women with feminine, these energies are not gender specific nor do they relate to sexuality. Each of us operate within the spectrum of the two polarities found within us all, although we do have a core energy that we naturally operate from.
Sources: Forbes, Medium, Brainz
Compare & Contrast
Are men built to “chase” and women to “attract”?
If you refer back to my post on the hormonal differences between men and women…
…you’ll see the physiological differences in our natures. The masculine energy is what gets things done in this world! Their traits are action-oriented; including structure, planning, protectiveness, and being assertive. Things are more direct and roles are made clear.
Feminine qualities include nurturing and caring traits; being receptive and understanding of people’s needs, patience, intuition, and flexibility. Femininity is heart-centered and is an amazing energy to step into when building relationships whether that be with friends, family, romantically, or even at work.
Suppose we downplay the importance of one energy while the other becomes too dominant; we will begin to experience an unhealed or unbalanced representation of these energies as represented in the diagram above.
Sources: Medium, Brainz, Goop
With unbalanced feminine energy, I often struggle with decision-making, prioritize others' needs and opinions over my own, avoid conflict, and become passive in expressing my desires and emotions, which then control me.
In my romantic relationships, I often operated with unbalanced masculine energy, feeling the need to take control and lead when my partner lacked action or direction. I constantly planned and stayed proactive, whether it regareded our dates, household duties, or personal needs.
I developed the mindset that I had to do everything myself, or no one else would. Now, I'm learning to ask for and accept help, openly express my needs and desires, and allow space for myself to be led rather than always taking on the responsibility to lead.
These videos by Everyday Etiquette founder, Daisha, further explain the four dynamics of the light and dark feminine and masculine energies:
And if you’re a fan of the American romantic comedy-drama television series, Sex and The City, Daisha also gives a helpful visual representation of each dynamic based on the four main characters:
Self-awareness is key when distinguishing between the healthy and unhealthy energies you are operating from. The focus isn’t to blame or shame one energy over the other but, to learn how to incorporate and embrace both.
Awareness can help you redirect yourself away from toxic masculine and feminine behaviors.
What Are Toxic Masculinity and Feminity?
I know you’ve probably heard the term toxic masculinity before; coined during the late 20th century, the phrase is used to describe the stereotypical guidelines associated with manliness that negatively impact all of society.
When used correctly, the phrase does not imply that the idea of masculinity in itself is toxic. It refers to the energy that holds men back from their true divine masculinity rather than embracing it. It is usually directed at the immature characteristics some men hold in today’s society.
Toxic masculinity prommotes men to act tough and suppress their emotions, reject anything considered feminine as it is a sign of “weakness”, and encourages violence, aggression, and domination.
Signs of toxic masculinity:
Homophobia and Transphobia
Need for control
Promiscuity
Rejecting roles traditionally considered “women’s work”, such as household duties
Sexual aggression toward women
Stoicism
Unhealthy and dangerous risk-taking
Forms of violence
Sources: WebMD, VeryWellMind, ADAA
Now, on the other side of the same coin is toxic femininity, a term coined around 2018 that describes the rigid conformity of women to traditional gender roles in order to be seen as valuable, attractive, and to satisfy men and patriarchal norms.
Toxic femininity defines womanhood in a very shallow manner that objectifies and harms women, silently accepting the violence and domination provided by toxic masculinity.
This internalized misogyny pushes women to be “seen and not heard”, cooperative, passive, sexually submissive, and derives their value from their physical beauty. Women are pressured to please the men in power to avoid punishment and abuse. These toxic notions are a result of a patriarchal society and are often discussed as anti-feminist.
Many harmful stereotypes of women are spread through toxic femininity and often describe men as the primary victims of feminine traits such as the claims that women are naturally emotional, manipulative, and gossipy.
Some real-world examples of toxic feminity include:
Being pressured to marry and have children because “that’s what women do”
Being told you haven’t found a man because you’re too intimidating, assertive, or dominant
Society defining what a woman’s body should look like: “real women have curves” or shaming curvy women because they “should be thin”
Criticizing women for having body hair and not wanting to shave, wax, etc.
Being told to wear makeup to please anyone other than yourself
“Act like a lady”
Sources: healthline, verywellmind, Medium
What’s so wrong with either?
Toxic femininity promotes unrealistic beauty standards that can affect women’s physical health, playing a part in body dysmorphia and eating disorders. It leaves women feeling trapped in their own lives without any control, causing chronic stress that can contribute to serious health conditions as well as fatigue, insomnia, headaches, stomach problems, and body tremors.
If your self-worth is directly related to your ability to please and keep a man, you can find it difficult to become satisfied and fulfilled with life as it is. It encourages a lack of setting and upholding boundaries, codependency, avoiding confrontation, and approval-seeking or people-pleasing tendencies.
While the goal is to please men, toxic femininity can have the opposite effect when it leads to diminished intimacy and growing resentment from women.
On the other end, toxic masculinity promotes a dysfunctional family environment, exposure to violence in the home, relationships, and community, lack of mental health awareness, lack of behavior control, and social rejection by peers.
Toxic masculinity becomes dangerous when a man believes he has failed at gaining/maintaining control or failing to live up to societal expectations. Men end up lacking the skills to identify and healthily manage their emotions, leading to violent emotional outbursts that become dangerous not only for women, but other men as well.
Sources: healthline, verywellmind, Medium, WebMD, ADAA
What Can We Do?
In terms of prevention strategies to help young men and women avoid picking up these toxic behaviors, we can:
Educate parents on the importance of teaching their children to identify and regulate their emotions
Spread awareness and accessibility for mental health topics, tools, and resources
Promote safe and nurturing environments, free of abuse and violence in the home and within relationships
Create marketing campaigns to change societal and cultural norms around masculinity and femininity
Educate parents on the mental and emotional damage that physical punishment and humiliation techniques have on children
Uplift our young girls and provide them with the confidence and freedom to express and explore themselves how they choose, without pressure to conform, and disconnect their worth from their physical attributes
Positively integrate young boys and men into society
When it comes to balancing the feminine and masculine energies within us all, we can:
Engage in activities such as yoga, meditation, andother artistic and creative pursuits (feminine); or physical exercise and practicing problem-solving skills, or assertiveness (masculine)
Connect with nature to restore balance and connect with your inner self
Practice mindfulness to develop awareness of your thoughts and emotions, as well as promote inner peace
It’s important to remember that femininity and masculinity are not opposites, but two equal parts that make up a divine whole—you! Both energies need to coexist in men AND women for all of us to live harmoniously.
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